Sunday, September 24, 2017

Ass

1
A woman was in labor with her first child. She was shouting out in pain.

She then turned to her husband and yelled, "You did this to me!"

The husband murmured, "I wanted to stick it up your ass but you objected."


2
An airplane asks a rocket, "How come you can fly so fast?"

The rocket replies, "You will know the pain when they put fire at your ass."


3
An elephant complained to God, "Lord, I hate this trunk you've given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!"

God replied, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, and drink water without getting wet!"

A giraffe complained, "Lord, I hate this long neck! I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!"

God answered, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance."

A hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger ass or smaller eggs."


4
Three women were chatting.

The first woman said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."

The second woman said, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

The third woman said, "I call my husband the postman because he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Monday, September 18, 2017

Life story

Struggling

No root 

No love


Losing hope.

You bitch! 

No idea what's going on.

Sorry, bye. Don't miss me.

At least we have wet dreams.

Somehow I fall









Saturday, September 16, 2017

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Please define

Define 'street view'


Define 'meat'


Define 'party'


Define 'soft'


Define 'huge'


Define 'tight'


Define 'snake'


Define 'practice'

High tech

Auto trash cans


Hydroelectric power


Bike brake for car


Abortion made easy


Merry-go-round autobike


Electric-dildo-inspired scooter

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

A wise man once said...

The more you complain about your life, the longer God makes you live.

The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

When the baby looks like his dad, it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, it is sociology.

Men and video are so alike. They both go backward... forward... backward... forward... stop, and eject.

Riding a bicycle you fix your ass and move your legs. Riding a woman you fix your legs and move your ass.

Good girls go to parties, come back home then go to bed. Bad girls go to parties, go to bed then come back home.

Woman is stronger than man. A woman lifts two mountains on her chest while a man lifts two stones with the help of a crane.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Life hacks

Want a good quality nap on the bus? Sure.


Pen is running out of ink? No big deal!


Feeling angry and thirsty? This will help.


Looking for a hot wild chick on the beach? Okay!


Looking for a new job? Try helicopter pilot.


Turn your toaster into a sex machine.


Ever used your tongue to lick your elbow? 
Don't give up.


Have a crush on someone on the beach? 
Seduce him. Or her!


In case you're wondering if She-Hulk exists.